HR Dad Lesson #1: Your Children, like your Team, are always watching You!

My son is four and I have no doubt he will try to be an X-Games athlete.  We have our hands full.

My daughter spoiled us when she was his age.  As is true with most daughters, mine was and continues to be the living picture of a Disney Princess.  Of course I’m speaking as a Dad who still melts every time she busts out the smile and wants a big Daddy hug.  When we ask her to put her toys away, they get put away and are ordered and alphabetized based on color, toy maker, size, and the genus and species of the animal they are modeled after.  Pink ponies on one shelf, Pet Shop toys in descending order of size on shelf two, etc.  All of this is of course followed by an “I love you, Daddy.”  What Dad doesn’t crumble with hearing that from his little girl?  I know, the teenage years are right around the corner, so let me enjoy every moment I can right now.

Dad and Tyler when the Cavs used to win!

My son on the other has figured out that by stacking several kitchen pots, an upside down garbage can from the bathroom, and two living room pillows onto a kitchen chair he can essentially quadruple his reach to just above the refrigerator.  This used to be the hiding spot of all things Mom needed to keep from him.  I’ve seen his designs first hand, and although I don’t think I have a future architect on my hands I do give him credit for his ingenuity and the structural integrity he is able to achieve through odds and ends that have no right doing what he does with them.  When I admire his handiwork, though, somehow I still seem to catch Mom’s ire about letting him do things that during her watch he’s never allowed to do (this will be a future Life Lesson of the HR Dad subject:  How to follow Mom’s rules when you don’t even know what they are).

As a result of the Mad Architect, we have proceeded to move things further out of his reach in our home.  Consequently he has to launch more elaborate plans to achieve his goals.  The most recent object of his attention is to get into our basement storage room that is kept locked for all of the above reasons.  You see, he has learned this room contains all the spare toys which become much more exciting when he doesn’t see them every day.  For him, this room has become his Well of the Souls, and like Indiana Jones he going to break in so he can get the Ark.


His most recent efforts include building another superstructure to get to the top of the door trim where we keep the key.  When we thwarted that effort and moved the key, he next quickly realized the same keys that work in our upstairs will work in the basement.  His next elaborate scheme, then, involved throwing toys at a hall shelf to shake off the key he knew was kept there.  If he got the upstairs key he knew he would have the tools necessary to accomplish his goal.  He’s clearly making plans to be part of a future Ocean’s Eleven team.

The Dad in me is certainly frustrated by his ingenuity, creativity, and ways his four-year-old mind works in trying to outsmart us.  What I’m fascinated by, though, is how he has observed through Mom and Dad what tools he needs, the process of opening the door, and the creative ways he uses other items around the house for clearly what they are not designed for.  When there aren’t a lot of limits, the four-year-old mind can be very creative.

Children quickly learn from their surroundings and can identify through actions of others what tools they need or behaviors to exhibit to obtain a goal.  The same is true with work teams.  The norms, culture, and tools available of a team or organization are very quickly established for new members and, much like I’m sure my son feels when he doesn’t get into the room, there can be negative consequences when the perceived expectations are not met.

As a People Leader it is important to remember that you set the cultural parameters.  Most organizations put formal written policies in place to outline the acceptable behaviors and procedures they try to follow.  It is Leadership, though, that truly sets these parameters in their organization through their words and actions.  Policies oftentimes only get pulled out when something has gone wrong; a Leader’s words and actions are present constantly and have a much greater impact on the success or failure of a team.

This issue was front and center in a team I was recently working with.  An employee survey of the group showed team members were less comfortable taking risks in their jobs and the scores came as a surprise to the leadership team.  When we looked at the numbers we tried to draw conclusions and developed a number of theories about our organization’s processes that led to low scores.  When we talked to employee groups who took the survey, though, we quickly heard their response to this question was tied directly to their perception of how their immediate leaders responded to them taking risks.  This encompassed everything from the reaction they received when they made suggestions on improving a process to making what they felt was the right decision for a customer.  The perception was that risks were not accepted; consequently they had a greater concern over retribution for presenting an against-the-grain idea versus doing what they felt was right for the organization.  Policies and procedures didn’t drive this; it was their perception of risk.

So how do we change this culture?  First, showing we accept and welcome ideas is a critical step.  Making sure people know their ideas are welcomed and responded to sets a good foundation.  If a person makes a suggestion that can immediately impact financial productivity, most organizations would respond quickly to implement the idea and hopefully recognize the source.  It is important to listen to all ideas, consider them, and provide follow up to the source even if their idea is not implemented.  Successful People Leaders welcome the ideas and ensure as best they can that ideas, implemented or not, receive recognition and the feedback that further encourages this communication.

Second, the organization must reward behaviors and actions we want to see continued.  There is a great quick read, Whale Done!, that talks about the importance of rewarding positive behaviors.  The moral of the book is the trainers who work with Killer Whales will not be very successful if they try to reprimand a whale that doesn’t do what the trainer wants it to do.  The trainer will not win that fight.  The only way to get a whale to jump through a ring is to reinforce the positive behaviors and make sure it understands that rewards that come with exhibiting successful behavior.

Last, make sure leaders are living their vision.  If a leader promotes risk but through their words and actions don’t support this behavior, than it is unlikely to expect people to follow.  People Leaders who welcome different points of view will be more likely more of them coming their way.

With all this said, although I applaud my son for his ingenuity and construction engineering skills, I still won’t let him build multi-tiered structures in our home.  However, I hope in many ways he never loses the spirit he shows now by never giving up and not being afraid to try new ideas.  It is a trait that can be frustrating right now as his Dad, but that I would probably welcome in several years as his People Leader.